Often, no real lobbyists are involved. Instead the starring role is taken by a dodgy politician (Stephen ‘cab for hire’ Byers) or a shadowy political adviser (Adam Werrity).

The story on the front page of tomorrow’s Independent is different. A trio of real lobbyists, from Bell Pottinger, have been secretly filmed talking up their connections to David Cameron and his inner circle.

Unfortunately for Cameron, the killer quote is provided by a former colleague of the PM’s. Bell Pottinger Public Affairs MD Tim Collins is reported saying:

‘I’ve been working with people like David Cameron, Steve Hilton, George Osborne for 20 years plus…I know all these people. There is not a problem in getting the messages through to them.’

I am immediately reminded of the infamous Derk Draper quote:

‘There are 17 people who count. And to say I am intimate with every one of them is the understatement of the century.’

The Independent’s story is potentially very damaging for both Cameron and the lobbying industry.

The problem is that it is entirely plausible that Collins could have this kind of hotline to Number 10.

Collins is one of the industry’s more courteous, intelligent and effective operators.  A former MP, he is also well connected in Tory circles. The Bell Pottinger website notes that he ‘worked with David himself in the Conservative Research Department as long ago as 1988’ and ‘served on the Conservative front-bench alongside almost all of the current conservative members of the Cabinet’.

Yet it is equally plausible that this is merely loose talk from lobbyists keen to secure a lucrative contract. For many in the industry, it is par for the course. One lobbyist tells me: ‘Most of what he [Collins] was “caught” saying is the kind of stuff firms put openly in their promo material!’

The key question is whether the government has been unduly influenced by lobbyists. Perhaps Team Cameron is impervious to all such lobbying (they would like us think so!). Perhaps Dave, Steve and George wouldn’t be able to pick these lobbyists out of a line up (I doubt that’s true, but it could well be the line coming out of Downing Street for the next few hours). Perhaps Bell Pottinger have valid arguments to put on the table and crucial information to feed in to the system.

Bell Pottinger owner Lord Bell has attacked the reporters behind this sting for ‘unethical, underhand deception to manufacture a story where none exists’.

Whether this is ‘the next big lobbying scandal’ should become clear in the next few hours.

Either way, the story is likely to influence the forthcoming lobbying register that the coalition is working up (the consultation paper is due any day now). If the government was planning to go easy on lobbyists, then expect that approach to be shelved.

The likelihood is that many lobbyists who wouldn’t dream of speaking in this manner will be now penalised as part of a new ‘lobbying crackdown’.

11PM UPDATE The full story is here

The Independent complained that ‘lobbying has become part of the warp and woof of Britain’s modern political culture’.

And the Guardian upped the pressure for a lobbying register with a timely analysis of who has been lobbying ministers.

But the UK’s lobbyists have been hitting back, both on the airwaves and online.

Here are four of the best pieces penned by UK public affairs professionals in recent days:

On ConservativeHome, Lionel Zetter says Adam Werrity may have been lobbying, but was ‘not a lobbyist in the accepted sense of the term’. He argues that lobbying ‘helps to produce better policy and better legislation’ as it ‘makes sure that all interests are represented’.

On the Huffington Post, Iain Anderson notes that, once again, no lobbyists were involved in the latest lobbying scandal. With a lobbying register back on the agenda, the key is that ‘it applies equally to everyone who lobbies’.

On Total Politics, Gavin Devine says a lobbying register would be good news for most public affairs professionals as it would help weed out the ‘amateurs who are almost always the cause of lobbying scandals’.

And on his own site, Stuart Bruce is not surprised that ministers are frequently being lobbied by business, but thinks ‘the balance of meetings for some departments does look rather alarming’.

In 2003, working for the Mail on Sunday, Oliver abandoned protocol by  sticking his hand up at the end of a Tokyo press conference and asking. ‘Have you got blood on your hands, Prime Minister? Are you going to resign over this?’

The clip of a shocked and speechless Blair was picked up by grateful TV news bulletins. Oliver instantly became a hate figure for Alastair Campbell and legions of uber-loyal Blairites.

Oliver, who hasn’t spoken publicly about the incident before, told me: ‘The Mail on Sunday was very keen that Tony Blair, who was then travelling, was put on the spot. I was told by the editor that the normal ethics or rules of engagement of the parliamentary lobby no longer applied and I had to do whatever it took.’

That much is reported here. What I didn’t manage to squeeze in to the profile was the source of the ‘blood on your hands’ phrase.

So here goes.

Oliver also told me: ‘The actual form of words I ended up using actually came out of a conversation with Nick Robinson…

‘I said to him look something like, “Nick I’ve got to say something that really puts Tony on the spot, what do you think I should ask?”

‘He said, half in jest, “Why don’t you ask him if he’s got blood on his hands?” I said: “Ok that’s pithy.”

‘I then used those words and there was this extraordinary moment where Tony Blair stared at me while I stood up at this press conference for what felt like an age.’

You read it here first. Another person for Alastair Campbell to call a w****r…

Admittedly, the Taxpayers’ Alliance boss may be more at home in CCHQ once Dave moves on and Boris beats George to the top job.

Regardless, in a wide ranging interview with Elliott recently I asked him whether would be interested in the role. As I note in this resulting profile piece, he emphatically did not rule it out.

But here’s what he said in full:

‘I enjoyed No2AV and I really doing politics more at the centre, slightly more high profile and where you actually have a final result at the end in the ballot box. It’s definitely whetted my appetite for more campaigning like that.

‘I wouldn’t rule any job like that, out but I think that one thing you see from lots of prime ministers – Tony Blair had Anji Hunter, Alastair Campbell, Jonathan Powell and Peter Mandelson in his inner team right from the early nineties to the end. David Cameron has his team and my admiration for people like Steven Gilbert at CCHQ is immense.

‘One thing that really struck me during the campaign was it’s quite easy to sit on the outside of the party machine and say this should be done better or that was a gaffe or why on earth didn’t they do that.

‘But seeing the sheer intensity working on a campaign on a day to day basis when you’ve got to make a thousand decisions every day, my respect for the CCHQ machine as operated by Steven Gilbert good is immense. I think it would be difficult to find someone as good as he is at running it.’

Did you get that, Boris?

Take Malcolm Gooderham, the former press secretary to Michael Portillo who now runs lobbying firm TLG. He told me: ‘There are a bunch of eighties throwbacks in the industry who think it’s all about contacts. Actually there’s a new school that is going to show them it’s actually not about who you know, but what you know.’

Or Labour man John Lehal, founder of Insight Public Affairs. He has assured me that: ‘The industry has changed a lot…You don’t need to be going to Westminster and Whitehall and having quiet chats with people, or spending hours lunching your friends from Parliament or government departments. It is far more about business strategy.’

Alas, it seems someone neglected tell the lobbying firm behind this job ad.

The un-named consultancy (who could it be?) has instructed recruitment agency The Foundry to reel in a Tory to fill a £50,000 senior consultant role. The poorly-written ad – complete with bogus capital letters – states:

‘Got Tory creds?…This Corporate and Public Affairs consultancy has both healthcare, financial services and property as major constituents in its business.  Its London office is looking for a Senior Consultant with insight into the working of Whitehall and Westminster from the Tory perspective.’

Of course, a Labour-heavy contacts book is currently about as much use in lobbying as a chocolate tea pot. And it’s not the first time in recent years that a consultancy has gone out on a limb to shore up its Tory credentials.

Nevertheless it’s still unusual to see a lobbying firm being so brazen about its desperate need for a Tory, even anonymously.

So what exactly does the £50,000 post entail?

Specific responsibilities include telling potential clients how close you are to Dave and pestering old CCHQ mates who are now in government to go out for expensive dinners with senior figures from healthcare, financial services and property.

Possibly.

Gordon Brown’s former media handler was once described by The Sun as ‘bred to kill’.  Just weeks ago he started at Cafod, a charity which works to save lives in more than 40 countries.

I gave McBride a bell this week to find out how he was dealing with the recent right-wing backlash against overseas aid spending.

He told me he was ‘getting stuck in’ and taking a ‘robust’ approach to dealing with the ‘myths’ put out by opponents.

Some things never change…

Yet while McBride’s enthusiasm for a scrap didn’t always endear him to colleagues in the Labour Party or in Downing Street (especially if they were on the recieving end), it may be just the tonic that development charities need right now.

Aid lobbyists face the likes of Conservative MP Philip Davies who has described Britain as a ‘soft touch’ and said we must be ‘stark raving mad’ to give high sums to countries such as India.

Davies and his ilk are encouraged by the Daily Mail which recently claimed that the UK doles out ‘more aid than any other country’ – a headline which the fullfact.org blog said ‘oversteps the remit of the facts’.

With development charities pitted against the combined forces of the Daily Mail and the right wing of the Conservative Party, McBride’s ‘robust’ approach may be exactly what is needed.

Perhaps the charity world should be thankful McBride has not lost too much of his fighting spirit.

* OECD figures show that while the UK is the most generous G8 economy in international aid relative to Gross National Income (GNI), it does not give the most aid of any country in the world – neither relative to GNI or in absolute terms.

The Labour leader’s parliamentary private secretary, rising star Chuka Umunna, was given a new job as shadow minister for business & industry. According to Labour sources, John Denham was so impressed with Chuka’s work on the Treasury select committee that he personally requested the savvy Streatham MP on his team.

The vacant post as Ed Miliband’s PPS will be taken up by Gordon Brown’s former spinner Michael Dugher.

Dugher, recently elected as MP for Barnsley East, is not known as a shrinking violet. When he was Brown’s political spokesperson, a colleague of mine gave him a bell to check out the veracity of a story. ‘Unmitigated bollocks,’ was the gruff response. A Labour MP advises The Mail’s Ephraim Hardcastle column: ‘Michael is a rough and ready Northerner who knows how to drink pints of bitter.’

With Tom Baldwin in place as Labour’s director of strategy, some think that Ed Miliband is getting ready to play hardball. Speaking at an event I attended this week, hosted by Connect Communications, the Tory blogger-turned-radio host Iain Dale asserted that the Labour leader was now surrounded by ‘two thugs’.

The idea of nice guy Ed flanked by two burly hard men certainly has some comic appeal. However, Baldwin is yet to live up his reputation as a bruiser. The former Times hack’s most antagonistic act to date has been to ask broadcasters to consider using the phrase ‘Tory-led government’ from time to time. Not exactly Malcolm Tucker-esque.

As for Dugher, pals in the lobby are quick to point out that he is ‘charming’ and ‘affable’. One political editor tells me he is ‘definitely not a bully’. Dugher is more widely seen as a streetwise parliamentary fixer with a good eye for a story.

A former lobbyist, he’s particularly good at providing friendly journos with pithy soundbites. ‘One of the few MPs to actually get how papers work,’ is the verdict of one hack.

Perhaps he should be heading up the spin operation himself. But sources close to Dugher are keen to kill off that idea. They say he will help on political strategy, but insist there is no question of him treading on the toes of the party’s comms chiefs.

Damian McBride is now head of media at Cafod, his successors Mick Dugher and John Woodcock (‘the spin twins’) have both become MPs, while the ex-PM’s top strategic comms adviser Justin Forsyth is chief executive of Save the Children UK.

One man providing difficult to place was Brown’s most recently-hired political spokesman Iain Bundred. Until now.

After a stint advising the Jordanian PM on behalf of Tim Allan’s agency Portland, it emerges that the well-regarded Bundred is to become director of strategic media relations at Ogilvy PR.

Nice title.

Bundred – known affectionately by lobby journalists as ‘Bunders’ – doesn’t start until next week, but he is already talking the lingo of the corporate PR world.

In a stunning statement, he says: ‘As PR moves away from traditional silos and towards offering 360-degree brand reputation strategies, Ogilvy PR is able to give clients an integrated service that other PR firms couldn’t dream of.’

If only Bunders could have provided his old boss with such lucid soundbites!

As yet, the answer is unclear. Conventional wisdom has it that the Lib Dems will be given reform of the House of Lords in order to make up for their lost council seats and the defeat of AV.

Yet many Tory MPs are deeply opposed to Nick Clegg’s dream of replacing the Lords with a largely-elected chamber. It may be in the coalition agreement, but so what? Dave’s inner circle know exactly what they have signed up to. Earlier this week, George Osborne pointed out the said document pledges merely to ‘bring forward’ proposals, not enact them.

Neither are Team Cameron minded to let Clegg be seen as the saviour of the NHS. When the PM met the 1922 Committee of Tory MPs this week, he reportedly stressed that the NHS reform pause was his idea not Nick Clegg’s – ‘and that he won’t let the Lib Dems take credit for the coming changes’.

One thing that Clegg could be allowed to put his stamp on is the forthcoming statutory register of lobbyists.

Lucky him! The register was added to the coalition agreement last year as a sop to the Lib Dems. The Cabinet Office is expected to issue a consultation on the register in the next few weeks.

How robust will the register be? Most lobbyists are desperately hoping it will contain little more than names of lobbyists and who they work for. Most Tory MPs seen no reason for it to go any further.

But the Lib Dems may not be so easily pleased.

In their 2010 manifesto, the Lib Dems also pledged to ‘curb the improper influence of lobbyists by… requiring companies to declare how much they spend on lobbying in their annual reports’.

If they were to push for similar financial details to feature in the lobbying register, would the PM really stand in the way of that too?

Clegg could have a good old fight with lobbyists and business chiefs. But it seems unlikely that the Cameron – having previously made a such big deal of cracking down on ‘secret corporate lobbying‘ – would want to be seen as the defender of lobbyists.  Especially if another lobbying scandal occurs.

As one Westminster source put it earlier this week: ‘The Lib Dems will now get a greater say on the lobbying register.

‘If lobbyists are not careful, they could end up as collateral damage.’

The Guardian runs an interview with Nick Hewer, who is Lord Sugar’s right-hand man on the Apprentice and a Labour supporter to boot. Hewer says he met the Labour leader recently:

‘Oh dear oh dear. He has the weakest handshake in western Europe. I went straight to William Hill and asked them to take a bet that he will not be Labour leader by the next election.’

As if that’s not bad enough The Independent quotes an anonymous ‘leading Blairite’ comparing Ed’s leadership to the dark days of Gordon Brown’s premiership.

‘Strategically, Labour is completely lost. Ed won the leadership as an insurgent but, now he’s there, he doesn’t know what to do next. It’s all looking very reminiscent of Gordon in 2007 when he finally toppled Tony. They have grabbed control, but now do not know what to do with it.’

Two damning comments from fellow Labourites on one day. With friends like that…

If Ed Miliband really is keen to show the common touch, yesterday’s response to the Lib Dems’ electoral drubbing is unlikely to have helped.

Surrounded by TV cameras and enthusiastic supporters, Ed said the Lib Dems had been sent a mesage ‘about the policies they are pursuing for which they don’t have a mandate’.

To hammer home the point, the Labour leader listed a number of Lib Dem policies - the NHS, tuition fees, ‘living standards’, the cuts…

‘FOR WHICH THEY DON’T HAVE A MANDATE’.

This dreary and slightly nerdy soundbite was employed five times in quick succession. It was Ed’s main contribution to last night’s Newsnight (see seven minutes in).

While the Sikh gentleman behind him seemed to enjoy it, is this really the type of language that will resonate with the Ed’s beloved ’squeezed middle’?

The Labour leader has been warned about using the wrong words before. Earlier this year the Indy’s Johann Hari penned a superb piece saying he needed to ‘speak in much simpler and plainer language and assume much less pre-existing political knowledge on behalf of his audience’.

Yesterday’s performance shows that this remains the case.

Ed Miliband is an appealing character who undoubtedly has what it takes to see off David Cameron. But he needs to change his tune first.

MAY 8 UPDATE: Labour is now employing this attack line with gusto.

John Denham used it yesterday, and Andy Burnham has just given it a fresh airing on Sky News. The Spectator’s Pete Hoskin tweets:

‘Burnham broadcasting Labour’s favourite new attack: that the government “doesn’t have a mandate”. It’s not exactly poster-ready, is it?’

He begins today’s page one commentary:

‘Nick Clegg has spent most of this week looking like a man who knows he’s stepped in a turd but can’t scrape it off his shoe in front of the cameras.’

His fine penmanship is on a par with Bryony Gordon’s at the start of this interview with the mighty Hezza in January:

‘There is a faintly decaying smell in Lord Heseltine’s living room, but I can’t work out if it’s coming from his musty carpets or our interview, which died a tragic death before it ever got going.’

Less snappy, but still brilliant, was this scathing opener from Decca Aitkenhead back in 2008:

‘By the time learner drivers are ready to sit their test, they tend to operate a car so correctly that there seems something almost wrong with how they drive. Every manoeuvre is executed with exaggerated concentration, and their driving is perfect – but it will still be a while before they relax at the wheel, and the intensity of their focus is both impressive and somehow comic. There is a touch of the newly qualified driver about Justine Greening.’

All are very good indeed.  But what’s the best political intro ever written?

For my money, the gold standard remains the classic second line of George Sylvester Viereck’s famous  interview of Hitler in 1923:

‘Adolf Hitler drained his cup as if it contained not tea, but the lifeblood of Bolshevism.’

[PS. Hat-tip to Stefan Stern for first spotting Michael White's intro]